and then she falls
by ninjacatchester
Summary: azula lives in a padded cell of waking nightmares and apparitions of the people she loved and hated and the one person she feared. / azula-centric / oneshot / all lowercase


**Title: **and then she falls

**Summary: **azula lives in a padded cell of waking nightmares and apparitions of the people she loved and hated and the one person she ever feared. / azula-centric / oneshot / all lowercase

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Avatar: The Last Airbender. Or Azula. Or Ursa. But I do own owl-chicken soup, so ha!

.:.

azula lives in a padded cell of waking nightmares and apparitions of the people she loved and hated and the one person she ever feared.

she goes to bed and sees her mother and then she wakes up and sees her mother some more. once and a while she gets a break from ursa. once and a while she sees zuko and his stupid water peasant friend beating her. sometimes she sees ozai and azulon and sozin shaking their heads in disappointment. and then she sees her only sort of, almost, could-have-been friends and they betray her again. but she's grown almost used to her personal hell. azula knows she will always be haunted.

tonight she is in the palace kitchens, perched on a stool while an unknown woman chops onion in to fine pieces. it is just tame and domestic enough to put azula on edge. the woman finishes cutting and adds the onion to a large pot on the stove. "tea, zula?" the woman asks, and suddenly she is not so unknown anymore.

"mother?" azula whispers.

ursa turns around to face her daughter. "would you like some tea?" she asks again.

"please." azula murmurs because she has learned to go along with her dreams.

ursa smiles and puts a kettle of water on the stove. she then takes a bunch of parsley and begins chopping. "what are you making?" azula asks.

"owl-chicken noodle soup." ursa replies serenely, her knife pounding against the wooden cutting board relentlessly. "how have you been zula?"

azula shrugs. "better, i suppose." she thinks for a moment. "i'm insane, you know."

ursa nods. "it runs in the family. you get it from your father." she tells azula, adding the parsley to the soup.

"did you ever love me mother?" azula asks.

ursa smiles warmly and stirs the soup. "of course i did little one. i still do. mother turtle-ducks always love their little ones, even the turtle-duckling that bites its siblings."

"did you ever do anything you regretted?" azula asks.

"of course." her mother answers, turning back to her. "everyone does things they regret."

"what did you do?"

"i let your father destroy you. i didn't show you the beauty in imperfections."

"but how can there be beauty in something that's not perfect?"

"you are beautiful my daughter." ursa says with a smile.

"but i am perfect!" azula shrieks indignantly.

"you will never be perfect." ursa whispers as the kettle whistles.

"i'm more perfect than you'll ever be!" azula yells.

ursa pours hot water into a tea pot. she takes a small wooden box from her pocket, opens it, and drops a few leaves from it into hot water. "the only way to become perfect is to accept your imperfections."

"that's a paradoxical statement." azula protests.

"i've always liked paradoxes." says ursa, a whimsical smile on her face. "probably because i am one."

"you, a paradox?"

"of course." ursa says, "it's quite paradoxical that sweet, gentle ursa killed fire lord azulon."

"you killed grandfather?"

"i had to protect your brother somehow, didn't i? really, i thought you'd have figured it out already." ursa continues. "i thought you were smarter than that."

"father said i was brilliant!" azula objects.

"your father was a madman." ursa counters with an angelic smile as she pours tea into a single cup. "do you know how i killed azulon?" she asks, pushing the cup towards azula.

azula takes the cup warily and raises it to her lips. "how?" she asks, before taking a sip.

"i poisoned his tea." ursa says, sugary sweet smile still on her face.

azula stares at her mother for a moment before comprehension dawns on her.

"i'm sorry." murmurs ursa, still smiling. "you were too much like your father."

"how could you?" azula whispers.

and then she falls.

.:.

she wakes up in her padded cell with bending depressant coursing through her veins. she sits up slowly and places a careful bare foot on the cold concrete floor. she stands up slowly, glancing around for the ghosts.

"hello darling." the hallucination of ursa says.

azula jumps.

and then she falls.


End file.
